DISPATCH FROM THE CUBICLE OF ICARUS ODDFELLOW // NO. 005
Oddfellow here. I GOT THE VACCINE! Some very nice gentleman knocked on the door to the office and said he could “hook me up” for $50. While I didn’t have any cash on hand, he agreed to do it for 5 SlimJims and a high ABV kombucha. He took me to his clinic in the alleyway behind the building – what appeared to be an old REI brand 3-person tent – and administered an injection that felt like getting stabbed with a dull pencil. Let me tell you, they are not kidding about those side effects. I woke up face down in an oil slick (the clinic long packed up apparently), sweating profusely, with a Garfield band-aid on my forearm vein (is that where they usually inject it?). I’ve been severely groggy ever since but managed to crawl back to my cubicle where, after vomiting, I finally found the inspiration to sit through the 3rd VHS tape in the batch of Uncle Jared’s old “movies.” More vomiting commenced. This one titled THREE BY ONE, evidently the precursor to his award-winning short THE FOURTH, is absolutely atrocious. Like, clean your lens once in a while, buddy. And what’s the deal with the ice cream? The actors were obviously not vetted, Uncle Jared probably just cast whatever roommate wasn’t busy playing Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater. BUT, again, admittedly, killer soundtrack. Anyway, I guess it’s good that he revisited this one and got some actual talent in front of and behind the camera. Sheesh. Perhaps you’ll find it interesting as a time capsule, of sorts. Or it may have some value as a window into the ever-evolving artistic journey, or whatnot? I’m not sure yet. I’ve got to puke again, and then I’m gonna go out maskless to a bar. I AM vaccinated, suckers!